This back was well prepared to be strong. But nothing could prepare this body for the weight, the stories and pain. All of which we don’t get to avoid because our greatest gift is the ability to see and feel life.

There comes a time after digging through the dirt and clearing the debris where she discovers the shell of the seed of self that once was. She remembers she was the seed, divine and pure. She decides in that moment to begin to grow from the seed’s original plan, this time remembering that she was not the weeds but something more powerful.

Pain is not new to me, but new pain is a reminder of how in the past I put my selfcare last. This is a place I can’t return to again. How I treat myself now has changed drastically, but the body carries the damage as a reminder to not allow myself to go back to the old ways.

When you start to realize the reasons why you are pleasing the quirks, demands, insecurities, and fears of yourself and others, you start to realize what’s really needed is possibly being neglected.

You and I are spirit, we are our souls imagination into reality. Why? To release the karma (the patterns) so that we can create a life that’s called living. A life of More Than Existing! 

The world will try in so many ways to take your magic away. Many will make wishes for you and place their thoughts in your head, but you are the wise one. You may not know how to express it yet, but you still hear the whispers and see the world beyond.

The past few years has been a true journey of alchemy.

Life has not been easy, not always kind and required some deep soul searching. It’s been a humbling experience. When you are blessed with vision as a seer and you fully become open, you start to see even that which is not easy to see, including yourself!

When emotions are involved, assumptions are so easily made.

A key element of emotional maturity came through the ability to stop creating stories in my head that would give me permission to feed the emotions that allowed me to return to a state-of-being that would have me reacting and responding in old ways.

How do you find that divine child? How do you nurture the essence of the wounded child story? Make space for the child waiting to be understood so long ago, tell her/him you believe them, believe in them, that you see the fairies, the dragons and imaginary friends.

Dear God, I understand clearly that I may be a lot of work. I get that I have failed myself behind closed doors, but is it true that I can’t fail you, I can only fail myself?  

Where was God when I needed him the most? When through the eyes of a child you can see the cruelty and unjust. When you witness shadows of an image of what appear to be adults walk past little children in need and do nothing at all. The child has to wonder, because they still feel the home fire and love within.

Channeling the Divine through art gets you lost in the layers. No plan, just pure trust. Listening and allowing the emotions to flow. Revealing the good, bad, and ugly of the moments. When I hear, “Paint me beautiful”, I know the thoughts are in an ugly place and the Divine within is about to turn the story around.

Through the power of prayer I learned, “Please guide me. Please show me the way beyond jumping and pleasing. Please allow me to understand that I will never be enough, or give enough to the unsatisfied in myself or others to bring out the light for them or that of myself to have gratitude, unless first they find a way to return to their own sense of grace. Grace and mercy freed me from the unhealthy way I was conditioned to believe was the way to be me.

Gifted with the all-knowing, but as a human not knowing it all. I have seen in humility the gifts that are within are treasures that allow me to walk with humble pride, unapologetic, and knowing that the ability to see has granted me the beauty of seeing that what I am to truly become was more beautiful than I thought I should become.

The day I would start to journey around the sun once more an unplanned move and a shift came. An unexpected, but very planned by the universe move, positioned me to live surrounded by well planned and landscaped trees, except for one. Or what I thought first to be one tree.

When I was me and the world around me wanted more of whatever it was that made me, I was good enough. Then they wanted me to teach them more, give more, and as they listened or received many were imagining ways they could improve me, how if I shared me and my gifts more could be like me.

I had a loop, a continual habit of guilty response by trying to overcompensate for what someone was so-called doing from the kindness of their heart. It came with a constant reminder of the sacrifice and suffering of that sacrifice. I would take full responsibility and try to make up for what was being done for me, now would feel like emotional manipulation.

I was once asked, what would be a good way to start connecting to your truth? My response was, “Your closet. Start with your personal clothes closet”. It sounds so simple, but it sets an intention, exposing the truth of worth and value. It opens the door to a lot of “some days” and how you may be punishing yourself with who you once were.

Hi, I would like to introduce you to my now really good friend and true soulmate, she was known as Shadow. Now, she is one of the fragments of the love of my life.

Oh yes, she is also my hero and biggest cheerleader.

She is so fucking unbelievable. She has saved and protected me more times than I can remember but more than that she was keeping my treasures and my secrets safe. She is no longer angry and defiant of me and the way that I discounted her worth.

The day arrives when the body shakes, the tears fall, and she can no longer hide. Instinctively the vibrational energy gives the same feeling and word of when she hits her big toe and this pain is fucking real and it’s one big, “Fuck!” The volcano has erupted and there just is simply no going back. She is the woman who has connected to her soul, and she don’t really give a fuck if her energy is making you feel good or if she no longer jumps to everyone’s whims. She is now giving some of the best of her and her gifts to herself and she learned from the best from those who never carried to notice if she was sad, hurting or if she needed something a little extra like a little bit of love. She learned if they don’t feel guilty for choosing themselves than why the fuck has she!