The Joke, The Fool, & The Christlike Light Within
Hi, I would like to introduce you to my now really good friend and true soulmate, she was known as Shadow. Now, she is one of the fragments of the love of my life.
Oh yes, she is also my hero and biggest cheerleader.
She is so fucking unbelievable. She has saved and protected me more times than I can remember but more than that she was keeping my treasures and my secrets safe. She is no longer angry and defiant of me and the way that I discounted her worth.
She was the joke and joker by identity of a creative creation, and she deflected the pain, hid my insecurities, and allowed myself and others to discount, underestimate, and throw all our shitty ass attitude unto her beauty to protect the fragility of the woman who was so gentle in many ways.
She was the one who would be standing in for me as I spoke through her. She would dress the part, act out the part, all the while keeping me safe and in the dark about my unknown to me secret.
She allowed me to believe I was “normal” and often a ring as if she didn’t give a fuck which was the furthest from the truth. I live in awe from the woman who learned the power of her authority in how we would keep showing up, doing, and pretending I remembered everything that was to be known as knowledge.
What I didn’t know until I seen her, my truth, was she was not working for me she was working for God. She was the step in until I was living my truth and strong enough to step up and out of the shadows with a truth that my weaknesses are actually my gifts. In the meantime, she was the reflection, and she kept my secrets safe.
Why? Maybe so that I would not believe the labels they would have placed on me. Maybe because she had a deeper relationship with God than I did because her faith was unbreakable. She believed in me, and she was going to bring me to the places in life that she knew I was worthy of.
Fuck looking back at her she was truly my inspiration and my hero. She was known as my shadow, and I was trying so hard to get rid of her as I treated her as others did. She became the joke but in bringing her into creation I gave her a face, a name, a story of her own and I the one with the paint brush has to stand alone, vulnerable, and real and look down on this character as she came to life.
With time and my perfectionist trying to come in I saw myself laughing, mocking, making fun of, and discounting the woman looking back. Not giving her the credit she deserved for the things she guided me to accomplish, and all the way through she kept smiling back.
She allowed me to do these things to her. She was so used to it as she became what I created from witnessing how others would treat the one that was simply a beautiful light. I gave them what they wanted, and The Joke came to life and grew into the hero and protector of my light.
It was in a moment of not looking at her but in painting the upside-down purple heart and the upright heart at her throat, that I could start to see. But it came with the voice of the divine who kept whispering, “Can’t you see what you are doing to you?”
I had first called her the dirty little secret as it was how others would reflect their pain unto me, discounting her knowledge, teaching, time, and wisdom, shared in helping others succeed and grow. Only to hear as I stood in front of others as they spoke about who has helped them along the way, no mention of my name, but all of those who’s credentials make them look good. The daggers of pain by a world of people wanting to be enough, or to be somebody, is why we have so many shadows of people appearing as truths.
Here I was doing the same, but it was not about being somebody, she came to life and built from my true strength and innate confidence to mask and hide my so-called disabilities in hopes that someday they would stop laughing and start listening to the woman who doesn’t know anything but somehow knows so much.
The reflection and the distraction were hiding an inability to retain information. Always distracted, unable to stay focused, and so many other things. Some even I didn’t know because this beautiful joke was hiding my inabilities from me and she was so brilliant because she knew that there was a higher self and she would plug me in, and be sure I showed up where I needed to be.
The brave, the all-knowing would come out, and I would appear through the image of the one I called The Joke. In the upside-down heart, I could see sadness and that she was not brave by choice, but because she had to be. There was still the call to be answered and I was still unable to see into the treasure within.
What changed? Through the process of painting, listening, and witnessing my own critical judgement. A light was turned on and the power of the most beautiful energy touched my heart like that of a hand of love and whispered gently, “Can’t you see this woman has sacrificed everything for you?” With a look, a tear fell again, a common occurrence in this journey of becoming the reflection of my own light.
This was the light of the one beyond all the stories and crucifixions. It was the light of The Christ and as I felt this love grow, I knew this had connected to something that I now know to be my connection to The Christ. That which seemed impossible was to become possible.
I fell into something so beautiful that day and Paint Me Beautiful has come to life. This beautiful creation and myself have nothing to hide and everything to share, and I have gone on to paint myself and my world into a beautiful life. My world and my shadows are no more an embarrassment or underestimated and underrated.
Damn, I look in and see where she has led me and I think, “God, thank you for this powerhouse aspect of me!” Now that she is part of my light, and my truth, and no longer The Fool or The Joke we work as one hot mess with a little sexy blended in.
You may have a shadow waiting for you to shine a light on her and for you to look in long enough to Paint Her Beautiful © through your eyes!
Corrie Thorne is an Intuitive/ Medium, Spiritual Teacher and Empowerment / Lightworker Coach. A published author, and creator of The More Than Existing™ book & self-actualization coaching program who has developed her own relaxed style of helping people discover and move beyond the past history in life that is not serving their highest good.
She uses her skills as a past life healer to guide clients into a meditative state to explore the past and cut the cords to the events that have come forward to now. Corrie is also a Reiki Master/ Teacher who has used this technique to help promote self-healing and clear the chakras. Teaching is a passion that Corrie loves to do! She takes the opportunity to teach as a way to share the knowledge that she has accumulated over the many years of studying and developing her skills. Explore more of Corrie’s work and passion @ https://mteacademy.teachable.com/, and https://www.corriethorne.com/. More Than existing is available for purchase through amazon.ca, amazon.com, balboa Press, and Barnes&Noble.