Many attempts to write something about this photo I was guided to take so that each day I could give thanks to this back and the spine that has carried me through many places and times of when all I wanted to do was stop and cry. Times I wanted to say, “F*ck it all!” Times when I felt the daggers, and times when I felt the arms of love wrap around my body.

This back was well prepared to be strong. But nothing could prepare this body for the weight, the stories and pain. All of which we don’t get to avoid because our greatest gift is the ability to see and feel life.

Only when I chose to stop pushing through the pain, and numbing myself from feeling did I begin to see the damage with compassion. I stopped being the one who could carry the world and became aware of the strength, fragility and vulnerability of this human body. With this being the one and only body we would have in this lifetime I began to grow compassion for this back, this spine, this whole body. I had been so unkind in my belief that she was never enough and if she just did one more thing…

She was super independent and known as the pillar of strength until she finally fell down. I was once her and it was as if one day the unconditioned love of the soul seeped out and wrapped around my body and said, “Let’s heal this!” This became everything and nothing.

It became the healing of the root of the stories, the secrets, the responsibilities of myself and others. The emotional connections to the sacred of the sacral which we should teach is ours to protect.

The powerful and powerless all existed within this back.

We spend so much time focusing on the front, moving forward, presenting the image. Yet, this back is like that of the soul, without the spine and the soul we would not be alive in this human shell. Like that of the woman, without us this world would not exist. I began to care for this miracle and miracle maker. I began to care for this body as the soul chose this body. As I prepare to have this spine repaired, I will forever carry the scar but not the wound as a reminder of how I got myself here.

I will be reminded that I will care for this body with absolute love. I will forever be grateful and carry such compassion for the woman who believed she had to carry the weight of the world for too long. I have compassion and not anger for the woman I once was and the life that has consumed the many moments I can’t get back. But moving forward I shall stand tall and proud of this woman and this back, this body and this woman.

I will not be the hero of others but I pray I can be the inspiration of others to remember they are not here to be the everything to everyone and they can be the hero to themselves. To not to carry the weight, the stories, the emotional energy of the past.

Let more people see your back as you walk away instead of staying in places that sacrifice the sacred. Let more people believe what they want but know you so well that you have the backbone strong enough to be willing to stand and walk alone. You aren’t a sacrifice to anyone’s unmet emotional needs. Nor do you have to play the character others create of you to be in the stories they create. Your body is sacred. You have one life in this body, care for it as if it is the most valuable treasure.