Storytelling is something that flows through my heart, my veins, and the root of my ancestors. In the Mi'kmaq culture storytelling is a way of sharing wisdom and knowledge. This particular story speaks to how I will forever be mysteriously mystified by how spirit works, and how we are moved by the power of spirit, when we let go of trying to create the perfect moment and world.

One of the titles I carry is writer and published author. Writing is a way for me to express the misunderstood parts of myself and for my guides to communicate through using my stories to inspire and spread messages of hope, love, and light.

This past weekend we went on an overnight journey that felt as if we had travelled through life times.

It was a wedding gift from the family that became a gift that may have been so much more than was originally intended.

This morning as I sit in silence, finding the perfect words to express the experience from a spiritual perspective, I feel the tears of joy. I feel the blessings of the gifts that throughout life had sometimes felt like a curse. Why? Because wherever I go I don’t just exist in the material world, the world that is of our human experiences, I am constantly hearing, feeling, sensing, and seeing everything. Spirit is everywhere and we are also spirit. I become one with the environment. The spaces speak to me in ways that remind me that those who once walked the lands are still walking and living amongst us, but in a translucent way. Invisible to most but not to all. The past lives with us, through us, and influences us. All is not as it seems. We have our stories and written history, but the stories are all perspectives. There is always more to the stories.

The gift was a night in a dome at the Métis Crossing Lodge located near Smoky Lake, Alberta. A dome where you have a view of the sky as you lay in bed surrounded by the luxury of, “Glamorous camping.” We had no idea what to expect, but upon arriving we fell in love with the area and the concept of what I called the dome village. I was in my human experience, and in the element embracing the experience, but my guides, my spirit, began connecting into its own experience with the past. As I became, “Spiritually climatized” as I coined it, I began to experience the existence of the spirit of the land, the essence, and energy.

Rain rolled in along with the desire to go on the search for the one thing we believed to be missing, and that which had became an obsession, a propane fire pit. Yet the search would become so much more as I was to discover what I believed to have been an obsession was ultimately a push from spirit guiding us to arrive at another experience. The spiritual roots were calling us to a place where I walked with love in my heart. I found myself releasing an old story of guilt but yet in the back of my mind, as I walked in the presence of Mary, I could hear the egoic brain question, “Why wasn’t Mary talking to me?” Here I was in the presence of her statue, and energetic presence vibrating throughout the land, and she was not saying a word. Oh, that ego!

As we were preparing to leave, my husband turned and started to walk in another direction. As I followed, complaining under my breath about the rain, I heard a voice telling me to stop and look down. As I did I discovery buried in the ground a shimmering piece of metal calling me to look closer. I dug it out and there was Mary! An image on a pendant that came with such a profound message that tears rolled with love. It was a full circle moment. A journey I had walked years ago led by an obsession to find the light, feel some big burning passion, or desire, which at that time led me to discover a statue of Mary buried under shrubs in the desert in Sedona. A story shared within the pages of the first book I was to publish and share with the world - More Than Existing. To now on this day be lead to a pendant buried in the ground. This Mary was not discovered on some big spiritual quest but within an ordinary moment that lead to an extraordinary experience that opened up something inside myself.

Did we find a fire pit? No, what fire pit? lol

It was never about a fire pit. The thought of having to go on the search to find one was a set up by spirit. A set up to take us further into the journey, through the rain, and to return to the dome and the darkness.

Back to the darkness I feared. I felt every emotion arrive. I could hear a bear speaking to me. He did not appear in physical form, but his spirit was speaking. My human was not in fear of the bear but of the possibility of an attack. Fear is powerful and leaves you feeling powerless. It takes us away from allowing ourselves to relax into life and trust the process. I glanced up toward the ceiling of the Dome and the view of the sky above. As the rain clouds departed and the sky opened up, my human self relaxed. I began to become one with the new environment of the night and the shifting of energy. I began to feel and see the power of the energy appearing as a mist. Fog was surrounding us. I no longer felt powerless to the darkness of the night. Light appeared from all directions and something changed. I felt peaceful and the joy of the experience filled my heart.

We are all at times powerless. We feel that sense of being powerless when fear overrides faith. What I was feeling was not just my fear, but the fear of the spirits who once walked this land.

I was connecting to my fear as a way to share the experience of why they feared the night. Fire was the source of light. The desperation for light and fire was not just mine, it was of the spirit on the land. I was being given the truth of how it felt to be alive in the past. Fire was crucial to survival. I have come to accept that all my human experiences are often a shared experience of worlds and lives lived lifetimes ago, as they are also sharing their truths with me. They share their stories and experiences so that we can learn, grow, and heal our own fears and hurts. I have made peace with this ability to feel and receive spirit. I know it is a blessing. A gift, and definitely not a curse.

My husband and I were nestled within the luxury of the dome but those of the past had been out in the bareness of the elements. For them there was no moment or time to relax, but there was an acceptance of what was, so joy and happiness did exist. I get that and understand that, as everything does not have to be perfect to enjoy the magic of all of life’s experiences.

I got to see and experience the land and the life in a magical way. Creating fairy tales in my mind of how fun it would have been to live during that time, yet with the awareness that the experiences were not all fun. There would have been moments of everything! There was a reality that was also present. The reality that a deeper fear, an absolute terror, also once existed before this present moment of where joy, laughter, and aesthetic beauty now exist. I felt myself release a terror buried deep within my soul that was from lifetimes ago. Released to experience freedom in a peaceful place I have always wished to experience in this lifetime.

The gift was a beautiful generous gift, and the experience was an experience that reminded me that what appears to be ordinary can become extraordinary. Also, that the magical experience of the mind may never be the reality.

What I felt leaving me was fear I could only explain as terror. I have lived terrified of several things for a lifetime or more. They have limited me, leaving me feeling powerless. I have walked through every fear possible on this journey. Was it all fun, no! But it was so magical and fun did exist!

I will forever be mysteriously mystified by how spirit works, and how we are moved by the power of spirit when we let go of trying to create the perfect moment and world.

I embody the blessings and extension of the power of my light and the dark.

As I moved further into my contemplation of the experience during my time at Métis Crossing Lodge a new truth emerges. What had finally been released was anger, not fear. I had made a decision years ago that moved me into self-hate and fear. I believed for too long I didn’t deserve a good life, or good things, and that I should have to suffer. I had to travel full circle with suffering to accept that it’s okay to accept the gifts, the beauty of being alive, and enjoy living a full life.

Through all of this journey I realized many times I have been terrified of making a wrong choice. I turned my power down in my own life because when I embodied the fullness of my own spirit and energy I would feel rage, anger, and a need to protect. I know that feeling of being attacked, simply because of what I am and that it’s not always understood. I should be changed. Sadness created the ripples and I feared my own dark goddess energy. Now I see, and understand that I need all to exist in a world where everything does exist. Looking into the windows of old buildings is like looking deep into the eyes of another. It is like looking into the soul.

There is so much more to share, but remember this, you don’t ever have to create, or step into the experience, that others expect you to create. If you simply allow yourself to show up in this world and relinquished control, the magic will appear. That is more beautiful than trying to create the false pretense of happiness. Life makes me smile because it’s filled with surprises. I have never seen a fuchsia sunflower and that made my heart smile.

If you stop doubting and fearing your own feelings and thoughts, you may realize your experiences can be so much more than you can possibly imagine. There is joy even in the messiness. Just look at these cute little pigs. I gave them apples and their presence and cuteness filled my heart with joy!

Much Love,

Corrie Thorne-Cameron